Monthly Archives: January 2013

the pre-offspring bucket list

As you will soon learn, I like lists.  No, I love lists.  I am a Virgo, which apparently renders me greatly enamored by the organizational attributes of a list.

So, here’s the thing, I’m also newly married which in our very forward thinking society causes nearly everyone I happen upon to ask “WHEN ARE YOU HAVING BABIES?!”.  I have several points of contention with such a question:

  1. It is none of your business.
  2. It is none of your business.
  3. I don’t have a flipping clue.

Also, I am extremely put-off by acquaintances and strangers asking me such a personal, life changing question.  This is something that is chiefly between my husband and I.   Also, I have friends on both ends of the parenting spectrum, those that were surprised by a very unplanned blessing and those that have been trying endlessly only to suffer through horrific miscarriages and disappointing answers. I don’t want Mr. Dubs and I to have to answer to any of that with anyone other than the tight knit support network that we choose.

With all that said, I do have a uterus, which apparently endears the good Lord to start my clock a ticking.  So, I do get all gooey over newborns.  (A fairly recent phenomena that I do not really appreciate.)  I used to be able to look upon a newborn and think “Ew, that thing is puking all over itself and just pooped up its back!”  now the thought process goes a little more like “I need to hold that bundle of warm, soft, love!  I don’t mind if that means I have to change its diaper or even wear a hazmat suit to protect myself from it’s bodily functions.  I need one.  I wonder if I can steal this one?”

Well, and there lies the problem.  For a multitude of reasons, now is not the time to start this proliferation of small, dependent humans.  So, in order to distract myself, I have signed up for a half marathon.  You’ll be hearing a lot of about it later-I promise.  And with that first distraction becoming a major factor in my life – a few new ideas have hit the Pre-Offspring Bucket List.  

  1. Train for, and complete my first-ever half marathon, the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in DC this April.
  2. Get a bangin’ new job that I love and that actually covers maternity leave or even just short-term disability.  (OH AMERICA  I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU ON THIS TOPIC!)
  3. Go on a girls’ trip to someplace beachy with a handful of my closest, most positive and adorable friends.  (I’m a pretty lucky gal because all of my friends are positive and adorable, its Snipperette Friend Requirement.)
  4. Take a damn honeymoon!
  5. Start a blog, (CHECK!) keep it updated at least once a week and be brave enough to share the URL with other humans.
  6. Read more books.
  7. Successfully complete a 21 Day Sugar Detox.
  8. Get more engaged with my community!
  9. Do more yoga and less TV watching.
  10. Buy more shoes.

As you can see, I’ve limited the list to just 10 items.  I’d say it’s manageable and that it makes sense to attempt these before there is a small, lovable, life changing, parasite pooping all over my independence.

Also, I’m giving you homework.  Please send me reading suggestions!  I need to create a list of books to read so I am never without a nice long queue of reading material.